-You stopped having nightmares.
-Is this a bad thing?
-I'm not sure. Isn't it?
-You know there's nothing I can do about it.
-There must be something.
-I'm afraid not. I just don't care anymore. Besides, I've met someone else.
-What are you telling me?
-I'm telling you that I've met somebody. Somebody new. There's nothing really special about him. He's just new.

I miss it. I freaking miss it. I need to accept that. Yes, I know, I'm in a different place now and yes, I know, I'm more mature now and self-aware and all that crap. I am self-aware. Fuck yeah. I am aware that I can't help but miss it. Everything around me is expecting me to change, waiting for me to transform into another species and yet all my senses are telling me that I'm not made for this. No wait, I'm not made for just this. I can't be both though. I can't support a double life. I can't moonlight. Don't have the time, the energy, the will. All I have are my instincts. As if I've been bitten by a vampire and I'm trying to cover the mark. Can't fight blood.

Everything changes. I keep saying this to myself, I keep seeing the evidence but no matter how unequivocal it is there is no possible way I will be ready for this.
I'm not mature enough, not sure enough, not yet.
I'm waiting. For something. I guess it's you.

I'm tired of taking shit from friends. And if that means I won't have any, I don't give a shit right now.

I had a dream I was in love with a man wearing a mask which was something between Kiss and some kind of monsters. When he removed the mask, I was enchanted. He was incredibly handsome, had that kind of beauty that nobody else likes apart from me: a primitive savageness and slightly scary at the same time.  I was so tiny next to him, as if he was Conan the barbarian, without the whole muscle pump, and was quite older than me.  The monster protected me and also decided for everything which made me feel inexplicably secure. I was a damsel in distress and he was my protector.
Diagnose: Daddy issues. Either this or I should had married a rich powerful mafia guy.